My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
