Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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