why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
