You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
