That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
