I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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