Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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