I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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