After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
