She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm at about main and main street
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
