Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
