dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
