We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
