I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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