matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
