careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
