Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize