This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
