Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
