Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
