I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she smelled like a LAN party
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
