Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
