i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
