dude i'm inner monologue high
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
