he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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