Everything about him screamed your future.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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