is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
