I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
pray to the hookup gods
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
