Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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