Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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