There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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