Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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