i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Mom said you looked used
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
