you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
