when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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