You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
