his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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