this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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