thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
