He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
