Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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