tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
