I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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