So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
