Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
