yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
