checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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