I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
