my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
