umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
