Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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