i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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