I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
