i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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