i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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