the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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