where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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