Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
