There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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