There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
