Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
