Just fell off a train. Bad.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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