I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
