went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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