dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
