when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
