If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
