You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
