just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
