if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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