Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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