i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
