i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
