Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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