Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize