i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
