im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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