I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
