Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize