i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
