i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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