He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
