Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
